As a parent, I used to have trouble managing my conversations with my sons, particularly after they graduated into their teens.
” You don’t understand my situation”
“I know where you are going with this. You feel I should have done this differently”
“You are always judging me”
Not that there was any serious communication issue but there definitely was a brewing stress in my conversations with them. Whatever I said seemed to tick my kids off. It was as if there was a wall between us, that was preventing any meaningful, logical, open conversation.
All this changed in a positive way when I changed.
- When I stopped being a bad salesman- someone who was interested in pushing my own views, ideas without bothering to check what the real need of my kid(the consumer) was.
- When I became more a listener and less a talker. By listening more, I understood my child better and what he was expecting at any point. Did he just want me to listen and do nothing else, was he sharing some concern and seeking help or advise. He was the hero in the conversation, not me. I sometimes regress but its much better now.
- When I asked permission to speak, to ask, suggest, to guide or to express an opinion. This was probably the biggest impact change for me. If the child is not ready to give you permission, there is no enrollment for any meaningful chat. Everything I said without my child’s enrollment was just my rant !!
While I share this from the perspective of my conversations with my children, the principles hold true in any situation where we seek to create an impact. Don’t push, become better at listening, and seek enrollment before saying what you have to say !!
The quality of my conversations across the board has improved dramatically. So will yours !!