“Dad, I think my team leader might not be happy that I’m not working on weekends because of my other commitments. I’m worried this might hurt my chances of getting bigger roles,” my son said.
“Oh? Did you talk to him about this? Has he said anything to make you feel that way?” I asked.
“No, he hasn’t said anything. I just… feel like he might not be happy, even though we’d agreed upfront that I couldn’t commit to weekends.”
I paused, then said, “You know, if you look for signs that someone is unhappy or working against you, you’ll find them quickly enough. Our minds are really good at picking out things that fit the story we tell ourselves.”
He listened, so I continued, “But here’s the thing—if the story you tell yourself is that people are generally helpful and the world is on your side, you’ll find evidence for that, too. Nothing about your actual work changes. It’s the story you’re focusing on that shapes your perception.”
“So what do you think I should do?” he asked.
“I’d suggest talking to him directly,” I said. “Instead of letting assumptions grow, clear it up face-to-face. Don’t let a story you’re telling yourself become bigger than it needs to be.”