Own My Growth

Helping folks with practical tips to manage themselves better

Don’t Worry About Being Judged

Being Judged

One of life’s simple truths is that we are never free from judging or being judged.

When you are judged, you want to be judged positively. This need to be judged positively by others is a big factor that robs you of your mental peace. It forces you to lead a pseudo, pretentious life, trying to project to the world what you are not.

You think that the world revolves around you, and everyone is invested and interested in what you are doing and judging you for that. Consequently, you end up losing yourself in the drumbeat of trying to get the approval and applause of others. There is nothing more soul-wrenching than this.

I used to have a boss who used to enjoy late-night partying. There were about eight of us who were his direct reports. Every other Friday night, this gentleman would insist that all of us, his team members, join him to have fun bar hopping. I was a teetotaller, and I was never comfortable going out partying. But I wanted to blend in. I had all kinds of thoughts going in my head.

“What would he think if I backed out while the rest of my colleagues went along with him.”
” He may think that I am not a team player.”
“My other colleagues will get close to him, and I will lose out.”

So, despite being very uncomfortable and feeling completely out of place, I tagged along with the rest of my colleagues because of a fear of missing out. Eventually, after a few weeks, I gave up. I could no longer keep up with the pretense of enjoying the Friday night outings. I slowly stepped back.

Did anything wrong happen to me as a consequence? No.

I was harboring this silly notion in my head that I was someone important, and it mattered to my boss that I joined him for the Friday night partying.

My boss did not really care whether I joined him or not. His intention was to have a good time with anyone who cared to join him.

Similarly, there have been many instances where I have seen others behave in a certain manner with me, hoping that I will view them positively. But, I really did not care. I had other more important fish to fry.

The fact of the matter is this-Except for your immediate family; no one is really interested in you beyond a point. If you are in front of someone, that person may have a point of view or a judgment about you. But as soon as his intelligence is stimulated by something else or someone else to judge, he will move on.

Judging is a natural human tendency, nothing more. So, don’t lose your mental peace for the approval and judgment of a world which is not really invested in you.

You know your judgment does not define the world. Similarly, it stands to reason; the world’s judgment does not define you. Just be yourself and do what you have to do.

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