Traits Of Great Listeners

Most people think good listening comes down to doing three things:

• Not talking when others are speaking
• Letting others know you’re listening through facial expressions and verbal sounds (“Mmm-hmm”)
• Being able to repeat what others have said, practically word-for-word

I have even attended management training programs where the advice on good listening suggested we do these very things. As a listener, you must be quiet and attentive, demonstrate good non-verbal cues like nodding and saying “mm-hmm” encouragingly, and most importantly, paraphrase and repeat back what the talker says, something like, “So, let me make sure I understand. What you’re saying is…” 

However, according to a fascinating article What Great Listeners Actually Do published in Harvard Business Review, good listening entails much more. I am summarizing from the article what truly good listening means. This article has been a valuable source of guidance for me around how I should conduct myself to become a good listener (I still struggle with a couple of points!!).

Great Listeners Ask Questions

People perceive the best listeners to be those who periodically ask questions that challenge old assumptions constructively and promote discovery and insight. Sitting there silently nodding does not provide sure evidence that a person is listening, but asking a good question tells the speaker the listener has not only heard what was said but that they comprehended it well enough to want additional information. Good listening is a two-way dialog rather than a one-way “speaker versus hearer” interaction. The best conversations are always active.

Good Listening Enhances The Speaker’s Self-Esteem

The best listeners make the conversation a positive experience for the other party, which doesn’t happen when the listener is passive (or, for that matter, critical!). Good listeners make the other person feel supported and convey confidence in them. When you are a good listener, you create a safe environment where someone can openly discuss issues and differences.

Good listening Is A “Cooperative Conversation”

When you are a genuinely good listener, feedback flows smoothly in both directions, with neither you nor the speaker becoming defensive about comments the other makes. By contrast, poor listeners are competitive — they listen only to identify errors in reasoning or logic, using their silence as a chance to prepare their next response. That might make you an excellent debater, but it doesn’t make you a good listener. As a good listener, you may challenge assumptions and disagree, but the person being listened to feels that you, as a listener, are trying to help, not wanting to win an argument.

Good Listeners Provide Suggestions

Good listening invariably includes some feedback given in a way the speaker would accept, which opens up alternative paths to consider. While the conventional view is that when someone is speaking, one must refrain from jumping in and trying to solve the problem. The article suggests that making suggestions is not in itself the problem. It is in the skill of the listener in the way the suggestions are made. 

Rather than passively absorbing ideas and energy, good listeners actively amplify, energize, and clarify the speaker’s thoughts.