August 26, 2022
A colleague recently shared with me his struggle with taking decisive action when dealing with complicated issues. As I worked with him to uncover his underlying issue, it became apparent that he was trapped by the fear of making the wrong decisions and its potential consequences.
This is how the conversation went.
HE- I have a problem. Whenever I encounter a challenging issue, I worry a lot.
ME- I can understand. Challenging problems are always like that. Have you asked yourself why you worry so much when it comes to challenging problems?
HE- I think I worry because I am not sure If I am making the right decision or not. What if my decision backfires or goes wrong?
ME- Hmm….Why do you think that your decisions may backfire?
HE-(thinking hard now) Because I fear I am not as experienced and don’t know all the facets.
ME- That’s interesting- Do you think your assessment of yourself is true? You don’t believe you have the experience or the full details?
HE- If you put it this way, I am not sure. I guess I am being harsh on myself. I DO have the relevant experience, and I know I have all the details.
ME- Then, what do you think is the source of your worry?
HE- I don’t know…Maybe I am not Trusting myself to make the right decisions.
And in the response, my colleague revealed to himself the root cause for his worry- NOT TRUSTING his own judgment.
When we don’t trust someone, we believe they can’t do the right thing, and when something goes wrong, we blame them.
It is the same when we don’t trust ourselves. We don’t believe that we can make the right decision. And, if something goes wrong, we will berate ourselves and blame ourselves for not being good enough.
Trust is a feeling. When it comes to trusting yourself, it is not always evidence-based. The only way you can trust yourself is by trusting yourself-In trusting that you are making the right choices, in trusting that you can handle whatever comes up.
When you start to trust yourself, something powerful shifts inside you. You begin to make decisions more efficiently, and you can go through your day with more focus and feel more relaxed. In the end, things that happen aren’t such a big deal and aren’t as stressful as they seem. You are in a flow.
This was the conclusion of the conversation I had with my colleague. We both agreed that he should trust himself to practice more trust !! In himself and his decision-making.