Own My Growth

Helping folks with practical tips to manage themselves better

Don’t Keep Grudges


When I was in my thirties, there were situations where I would occasionally disagree or have a difference of opinion with a colleague at work about how some matter should be dealt with. While in the main, most of the disagreement was issue-based and objective, with a few colleagues, however, minor niggling disagreements conflated into full-blown personal conflict. As a result, the issues receded into the background as the other person and I engaged in unabashed one-upmanship. Sometimes, things got so bad that we would not even look each other in the eye in meetings.

Looking back, it was all pointless and very silly. I bore grudges and allowed disagreements to become personal and ego ridden.

The good news is that experiences teach and guide. Over the years, I mellowed and derived valuable lessons from those stressful encounters.

If there is a personal conflict with anyone, remember that the problem is always with you.

It doesn’t matter who is right or wrong; a personal conflict occurs only because you allow yourself to be drawn into it. Your ego and your emotions are what fuel any conflict. If you retain your objectivity and do not let your ego and emotions come into play, there is no possibility of personal conflict.

This is easier said than done, particularly because most of us operate from a position of ego. However, I have a simple trick to keep my ego in check.

I remind myself of those encounters where I had pitched battles with others, and I ask myself, was I happy with that experience?

I recall the anger, anxiety, and stress I went through because of the personal conflict and I am immediately chastened. Keeping grudges and engaging in personal conflict is just not worth it !! You are the one who is always hurt.

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