Preparation And Presence

I am in Hyderabad. My son’s wedding is days away, and the house is full. Lists everywhere. Rooms, food, transport, rituals, clothes, gifts, timings, elders. Every day something gets added. Every hour something shifts.

We brought my parents from Bangalore; my father is 96, and my mother is 88. A small project in itself.

My wife wants to be in control of everything. She has a clear picture in her head of how each thing should happen, and she carries most of the load to make it so. I am the opposite. I like to go with the flow. I trust that things will fall into place.

In the early days of the run-up to the wedding, I believed that my way is the wiser one. Less stress, less fuss, more presence.

But after watching her these past few days, I am not so sure anymore.

Because the wedding will not run on my calm. It runs on someone thinking about whether every guest has been received, every gift accounted for, every ritual arranged. That someone is her.The presence I value so much is possible only because she is doing the preparing.

Tempers have flared. There is stress, much as I would like to pretend otherwise. But in the middle of it all, I have understood something.

Preparation and presence are not opposites. They need each other.

Her preparation is what will let all of us be present on the day. My job is not to float above the chaos feeling serene. It is to see what she is carrying and help her carry it.

The day will come. It will be beautiful. And when it does, I will be fully there.

But I already know without a doubt who is helping make that possible.